An Irishman makes an obscene phone call. When the lady comes on the line he says, “I’m going to come around to your house, I’ll kick down your door, I’ll drag you into the bedroom, I’ll rip off your clothes…, will you stop telling me the time all the time?”
My Fairy Godmother asked me when I was a young feller if I wanted a long penis or a long memory. I cant remember now what my answer was.
My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. She was lack toes intolerant.
What does a short-sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common? They both have a wet nose.
What vegetable is good for your memory?
A carrot. When it’s shoved up your arse you’ll never forget it.
Where would you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left him.
My knob is like a toaster.
If the crumpet’s too fat it won’t pop up.